Worldview

A few updates/things I thought you'd all enjoy:

In my Foundations of a Christian Worldview class--

Girl in class: Well I've always been taught [this issue about God] by my parents, but I never thought it was fair.

Professor C: Welcome to the world of being an adult. Glad you could join us.

:) i love sarcastic professors.

-I got a 102% on my first Vanguard exam so contrary to popular belief, I am not just having fun here. I am studying!

-However, my school is still just like Disneyland for various reasons, but mostly because it's the happiest place on earth :)

Observe- musical chairs on the lawn.

-I learned in World Civ class that Confucius was a sexist pig. All of his theories and ways of life and preaching were directed toward men only and he believed only men could be enlightened. Awesome. Even the critically acclaimed moral man couldn't get it right.

-I also learned, in New Testament class, that Jesus was born 4 B.C. Jesus was born before Christ! ha.

I guess the B.C. dates are off by about 4 years. It was a depressing class. Kind of like my high school Chemistry class on the day we learned that there are no such thing as colors.

-I am thinking about/praying about being a Women's Studies minor. I talked to a girl last week during our Catalina bike ride and she is a Women's Studies minor and it sounds like a good program. It's easy, and would definitely prepare me for my future career and how I want to open a women's shelter one day. So...feedback anyone?

-I am applying for a job at the school's writing center as a tutor so please pray that it works out!!!

-I'm pretty sure Randy's future wife lives on my hall. He just needs to meet all the girls and decide who it's going to be :)

-Tonight a bunch of us on our hall are going to watch The Breakfast Club and the anticipation is building. One girl, Olivia, has never seen it so we're stoked to break her in :)

I like that movie because it reminds me of my parents. My dad looked/dressed just like the rebel guy on there. And my mom was more a popular girl.

My friend Traci said, "I love The Breakfast Club, but I hate that you never find out what happens to the characters."

My response was, "Yes you do! They had ME!"

haha.

However, I've always wanted there to be a sequel called "Monday." But, I'm sure John Hughes knew what he was doing. RIP, man.

-I've been reading a really good book called Arena by a Christian author named Karen Hancock if anyone needs a good book. It's a sci-fi allegory and it actually really good! Sci fi is not my thing but this book is awesome.

-Just a random thought but mac computers have made it hard for me to choose a husband. See, I do NOT like guys who can't spell. It drives me crazy. Well now when I facebook stalk, I can't be sure if a guy is a good speller, or if he just has a mac that catches it for him. :(

-Just to clarify, I am not looking for a husband anyway. I am planning on being single at this point in my life, but it doesn't change the fact that I still think guys are cute. There are about 2 guys on campus who stand out to me and I can tell you more if you wish to contact me about it.

-Our campus pastor is SO legit. He talked today about what it really means to be a Christian--it's not just believing because even the demons believe. And it's not praying some magical prayer. He said "You know, Jesus never led anyone in the sinner's prayer. Jesus never went up to someone and said 'Where are YOU going after you die, huh? Do you know?'" Maybe life's mission isn't getting people into Heaven, but bringing Heaven to Earth.

-I have come to terms with the fact that there is little (sometimes nothing) I can do about situations going on at home. I have to let go and let God take care of my family members. I am slowly learning how to trust God enough to back off.

Along with that, I am understanding what it feels like to be God. To love someone so much, and want what's best for that person, and then watch them make poor decision after poor decision, ignoring you.

-And finally, I love that I already have a very set worldview, one that I have chosen on my own, and I am very strong in it. I love that my time here is continuing to shape my worldview.

Chargers and Charges

Those of you who know me know that I am a strong women's advocate. If it has to do with empowering women or standing up for injustices on behalf of women, I'm in.

It's a new found passion, and one that I will probably pursue in my career somehow.

Some days, little things tick me off.

Like my Foundations of a Christian Life professor always makes jokes about male superiority. He reads a verse that says "man" or "all men" or something general like that. And he follows it saying, "...because women aren't important..."

And he laughs and so does the class but he never actually says "I'm just kidding," which REALLY bothers me, and maybe it shouldn't.

Then in my fitness/wellness class today we had a lab where we had to see how many push-ups, sit-ups and squats we could do. I've always known that the men's fitness standards are higher than the women's standards, but it just bothers me. What if a woman CAN do more push ups? I know there are physiological differences between men and women. And I, by no means, need a higher standard to compare my fitness to, but I have theory:

Are women physiologically "inferior" because they are always TOLD that? I mean, our mentality is that women's numbers are smaller in the fitness test. So, do we subconsciously not try harder? What if we were always told that men and women had the same standard?

I don't know enough about the fitness standards to elaborate.

Finally, I will address something that REALLY ticked me off.

I read an article yesterday about the reality TV star Tila Tequila. I've never seen her show (or former show? It's no longer airing.) But I know the premise. She's a little party girl who is looking for "love." It's similar to The Bachelor, only much more distasteful AND she is choosing between men and women.

Anyway, the news article said that Tila had been assaulted by her boyfriend Shawne Merriman--who is a football player on The Chargers. (Shout out to Zack. ha)

The case isn't all that clear, but her side of the story is that her boyfriend choked her and threw her on the ground.

His side is that she was intoxicated and naked and he did not harm her, but was trying to keep her from leaving the house.

The charges were dropped, according to the news, so....

Who knows?

But here's what gets me:

People are saying that Tila is using this story as a publicity stunt, to keep herself in the public eye now that her show is over.

I don't know Tila. I don't particularly like who she is and what she stands for, and I am sure that she has a lot of fun and does things that celebrities do. Fine. I don't know what kind of person she is deep down, or what her true character is.

But here's what I do know:

Tila is a woman. A person. And my heart's belief is that women who come forth with assault charges are the bravest, and also most scared women in the world.

So few women report domestic abuse for this exact reason---the fear that no one will believe them.

Tila may have created for herself a poor image, but there is no reason for us to believe that she is lying. Famous women still get beat. Wild girls still get into bad relationships and bad situations. They still need a voice.

As far as Shawne goes...I don't know him either. But I do know that professional athletes have enough money and street cred to almost always get the charges dropped. We've seen it with Kobe and O.J.

If Shawne is telling the truth, I have to wonder how healthy their relationship is anyway. If they're fighting or he's trying to restrain her...something is up.

If he's not telling the truth, I'm sure it won't be a big deal. The charges are already dropped.

It makes me think back to Jesus and the woman caught in adultery. All of her accusers pointing the finger. She didn't defend herself. I bet that woman knew that it didn't matter. No one would believe her anyway.

Bottom line: at the end of the day, when the cameras are off and the stage makeup is washed down the porcelain sink, Tila Tequila is just another woman. A woman who is insecure like the rest of us, a woman who has a past, who has been hurt, and a woman who, despite what she's done, deserves to have someone believe her.

Sunshine....

Random things:

-Matt Costa's song "Sunshine" = my theme song at the moment

-I miss Colorado's stars

-I have the best dorm ever because I have 3 "Floor Grandpas." They are 3 guys who graduated VU last year and they live close by. They bring us brownies and presents and let us hang out at their bachelor pad. They're so cute and so sweet.

-I will never again underestimate my ability to squeeze into small openings. It's actually a good feeling, breaking and entering.

-I jog at night, something I've never done before. I actually like it, it's much cooler out. But don't worry, I bring at least 1 friend and my pepper spray.

-I'm really glad I am going to Vanguard and not Azusa, simply because Azusa is in the ghetto. Saturday night, my parents and Randy stayed in Costa Mesa, but Randy's car was at APU. When they got back on Sunday, his car window had been broken in and his ipod and stereo were gone. A girl in the other APU apartment complex had the same thing happen to her.

-Frozen yogurt in California is called "Fro yo."

-Everyone here says legit instead of cool, and I'm starting to do it too.

-My friend Traci across the hall is from Montana, and she has successfully confirmed EVERY stereotype I had of Montanans. :) I am going to start writing down her quotes. Today we were at dinner, eating chicken, and one girl said "When I'm eating chicken, I never really think about the fact that it's an animal." And Traci goes, "I never did until one year when I went to the county fair..."

And we all started cracking up.

-I bet none of you have watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre on a projector at the beach.

-Watching Footloose on my mac with a friend in her dorm is one of the most fun things I've done since I've been here.

-I go to Target a lot.

-The only guy I've met here who's worth my time, already has a serious girlfriend. God has a great sense of humor, and I'm totally cool with that.

-According to a couple of my professors, I have a strong "parental" nature about me and I would be wasting an incredible gift if I never had children. Hmmm!

-I really want to take Greek next semester. I'm not sure if I should take the class, or just ask for Rosetta Stone Greek for Christmas....Emily always makes fun of me for the things I ask for for Christmas. Like last year I asked for a Noah Webster 1828 edition dictionary. I got it :) but Emily rolled her eyes and called me a nerd.

-Some days, at the end of the day, sand is in ALL my stuff. And at the end of the day, I love it :)

Tonight and the rest of my life....

Just wanted to give an update about Vanguard and my classes. But first, let me start off with a story. Since I am a novelist and all ;)

Maybe some of you have heard it. I'm not sure who wrote it, I'll try and find out.

Once upon a time, a little girl went to the store with her father. At the store, she found a plastic beaded necklace. Costume jewelry. She begged her father, "May I please have these beads?!" And he said yes, and bought them for her.

She ADORED the cheap little beads. She wore them around her neck everywhere, even to bed.

Every night, her father would come to tuck her in. He'd say "Do you love me?"

And she said "Daddy, of course I love you."

And he said "Can I have your beads?"

The little girl began to cry. She said "Daddy I love you but no, please, don't take my beads."

And he said "Okay. Goodnight. I love you," and kissed her goodnight."

The next night, and the night after that and the night after that, he asked her for her beads again. And each night she'd cry, conflicted. "Daddy, I love you, but I can't give you my beads. I love my beads."

And each night he said "Okay. That's okay. Goodnight. I love you."

Then one night he asked her again.

After being asked for so long, the little girl finally gave in. She was crying as she handed over her most prized possession.

Her father took the plastic necklace, and then reached into his pocket. He pulled out a string of gorgeous, real pearls, and placed them around her neck.

That story gets to me on so many levels, especially right now.

I have always loved God, and told him so. But giving certain things over to him has been something I just cannot do.

Namely, I can't trust him with my family. The idea of leaving for college always felt selfish to me. I can't leave. I need to take care of my siblings. I need to help my parents. I have never had an adventurous spirit about me. I am just responsible.

So I went to community college my first year and lived at home.

Then I went only an hour away my sophomore year and came home each weekend.

Going away and not being able to be the big sister who is always there was so difficult. I begged God. I could NOT let them go.

Finally, I went. I came here.

The thing about that story is that the father never forced his little girl to give him the beads. He waited until she was ready. But how she must have felt! Like she'd wasted so much time hanging on to something that really wasn't as good as what he had to offer her.

Since I've come here, God has taken out a string of pearls from his pocket. And I've had to humbly accept it.

I only wish I had come to Vanguard sooner. I know this is God's timing, but I see what I have been missing.

Stuff is....amazing.

I am meeting the most amazing girls.

In little moments when we hang out, and someone says "I just LOVE you, Ashley. You're so funny!" I can tell we're going to be friends for life.

I haven't met or seen any guys that seem worth my while (which is probably a good thing) but in my classes, I am confident that my amazing professors are equipping these guys to be amazing men of God, which is a comfort.

The other night at the Survivor party, a cute guy walked up to me, touched my hair, and said, "Wow...your hair is SO pretty!" and then walked away (probably never to be seen again. ha)

But let me brief you on my classes

Spanish

It's a beginning spanish class. I have to take it for my major. And I've taken spanish 6th-12th grade. Other than being out of practice, I am basically fluent. To say I'm bored in that class is an understatement. It's also an hour and 50 minutes long.

Every class, I get the "One Semester of Spanish Love Song" stuck in my head because we learn such basic stuff. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngRq82c8Baw)

What's keeping me from trying to test out of the class?

His name is Andrew, he sits on my right, wears Underoath shirts, and looks like the lead singer of Anberlin.

World Civilizations

Cool class, cool professor. I like that he shows us the problems with what the world says about the beginning of civilization vs. what the bible says. Should make for some interesting discussions and learning.

Foundations of a Christian Life

Great class. My professor is a therapist as well, so he is just a really nice, smooth guy who genuinely cares about us. The basis of the class is learning that Christianity is not a hobby, but part of our identity. And we talk about how our worldview needs to shape everything in our life.

New Testament

Best professor ever. He's this older guy who tells amazing stories. He's like a grandpa you see on TV- so sweet and warm. But he's also a brilliant theologian.

He said that years ago, in one of his previous classes, no one was taking any notes. He asked the class why and one kid said, "Because you scare us."

And he said "Why do I scare you?"

And the kid said, "Because you know enough to destroy our faith."

His response was "I have better things to do than destroy your faith. And if I wanted to destroy someone's faith, I assure you it wouldn't be my students'."

Fitness and Wellness

Eh, it's okay, just a lecture class about nutrition and exercise. We have a couple of labs too. It's a requirement. But I have the class with my roommate and it's pretty easy.

I just wish all of you could spend a day with me and see what it's like out here! I wish everyone could have an opportunity like this. I am so blessed.

Continue to pray for me--especially in the area of finding a job or volunteer position to keep me occupied.

More updates to come!